Saturday, December 10, 2011
Anyhooo, this isn't about the casino or my 'problem'. This is about our trip into the geriatric twilight zone. Who knew the fucking twilight zone was located in Gainsville, Tx??? Specifically at the IHOP.
When we first entered our section you could tell it was going to be an interesting meal. There's an 'older' couple making out in a booth. He must have just renewed his script for Viagra because she was all over him like stink on shit! Seriously, they were too damn old to be acting like that in public. I'm sure there's a niche market for geriatric porn, but I can assure you that I am NOT it.
There appeared to be some rule at this particular IHOP, that if you were a couple you had to sit in the same side of the booth, even if it was just the two of you. I find this nauseating. You can separate yourselves for the 20 mins it takes to eat, you're not fucking Siamese twins and no major surgery would be required.
So we are seated in a booth, but the one side is really like a bench that runs down the entire wall. Our part of this bench had another booth seat, but right next to us was a table. And by right next to us, I mean RIGHT fucking there! We may as well have been eating with the couple seated there we were so close. Which made the fact that they were fighting VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!!!
Apparently his side girlfriend had spoken to this girlfriend and filled her in on all of their time together. So she's sitting here with the barrage of questioning in full force...did you meet her mom at thanksgiving, what park do you take her kids to, how many times have you taken her to chilis and had margaritas, last Thursday when you said you were going to get a cowboy hat you went to meet her didn't you....on and on it went. So he gives her an answer, like he told her he went to chilis with the homewrecker only one time, and she says 'she told me you go all the time' so he says 'ok, maybe twice'. He kept on lying and she kept calling him on it. Then she sat there for a solid 7 minutes giving him the dead eye stare. Finally they left. People, don't fight at fucking IHOP, ok? Eat your god damn cinnastacks and be happy!! If you have to fight, go sit in the car or stay the fuck home.
After they walked out this group of drunk asses comes stumbling in. Once again it was a group of old fuckers. Don't old people go to bed at a decent hour? I mean, once you get into your 60s shouldn't you be over the alcoholic partying stage in life?
The drunkest one in the bunch had to be in her 60s, with her leather jacket and a short stacked haircut that was platinum blonde on top and black on the bottom. Shes sitting there, yelling random inappropriate shit such as 'I HAVE A FUCK BUDDY!!!' oh. my. god. Nobody cares lady!! And she was with this real dick. He was telling a story that went a little something like this...'so I pulled her ass over that table and broke three of her damn ribs and she said 'I thought I could block you' but couldn't do it...'. He was so proud if himself too. Idiot. I swear this group was straight out of Deliverance. I'm almost certain I heard dueling banjos when they walked in.
Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I know you can expect obnoxious drunks at any IHOP at 2 am, but Gainesville definitely has the rowdiest geriatric population around.
Dear Winstar Hooker (you know who you are),
I would like to start off by asking you a question, do you know where the fuck you are?? No? Well let me tell you, you're in Podunk, Ok. There is literally nothing but this casino for miles around. You're not on the Vegas strip!! Far from it. So why the hell were you wearing thigh high stiletto boots and mini skirt with your ass cheeks on the verge of full exposure??
When you strutted out of your house did you not notice it was 30 damn degrees?? And yet you had on a slinky sleeveless top? Seriously, it's fucking December. You may wanna purchase a jacket.
There are thousands of people at that casino. I couldn't tell you what anybody else was wearing, not even the guy that I had a full on conversation with at the machine next to me. So if your goal was to stand out, congrats!!! You accomplished that goal. If your goal was to be well dressed and appropriate for your surroundings, you fucking failed. Even the two other girls and three guys that you were with were dressed averagely!
In closing, get a fucking clue. You weren't looking hot in that outfit, you looked like an idiot who had no damn idea where the hell she was or what fucking season we were in.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Today's complaint is family. During the year most families will have their pain in the ass moments, it's unavoidable since they are made up of people and as a general rule people will disagree. For some reason, this time of year brings out the worst in family members.
All of this could be avoided if people put Shitmas in a proper perspective.
Most people put too much weight in holidays. All of them. And they tend to get shitty when people go against their holiday plans. So here's a newsflash for all of you bossy fuckers that fall into that category....
First of all, if you have kids, one day those kids are going to grow up and get married and have their own kids (unless of course, they are smart. Then they will remain childless and single.). Once that happens they are going to want to start making their own family traditions, like spending Shitmas Eve at home with their kids. Why does this have to cause a war?
I'll tell you why...because some people are inconsiderate.
When you make a family, the holidays get very busy. You have to find time to spend with your family AND your spouses family. So if your kids want to do your family get together on a day that's not Shitmas Eve, who gives a fuck?? They are not 5 years old and are not obligated to be with you on that day. So before you get your britches all in a wad, stop and realize that expecting anything more makes you a selfish son of a bitch. And taking to your Facebook to whine and complain like a spoiled little brat makes you an asshole.
You should be thankful that they want to spend anytime at all with you since you have 364 other days out of the year that you don't bother trying to be a part of their lives. Just because one day is holiday doesn't mean they should have to rearrange their lives to appease your ridiculous notions.
So no matter what holiday comes around remember one thing, people have lives. Those lives involve a lot of people not just you. Make time to spend with each other when it's convenient for EVERYONE involved and don't try and guilt trip people into times that aren't feasible for them because doing so will only make you a holiday asswipe.
Monday, December 5, 2011
The holidays are upon us and once again I'm totally pissed by that. I hate Christmas. Hate it more than anything else in the world.
First of all, this ongoing debate of whether you should say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Holiday's' is fucking absurd. Seriously, why do Christians get so bent out shape about it? I get tired of seeing them post shit such as 'CHRISTmas is about CHRIST', or the most annoying phrase ever, 'Jesus is the reason for the season!' Time for a little history lesson for all of you Christians.....
All of the Christmas traditions predate the birth of Christ and almost all of the customs are pagan in origin. In fact, December 25th was a Roman day that celebrated the sun god Saturn. Christ wasn't even born in December!
So no, Jesus is not the reason for the season and since so many aspects of Christianity are just pieces of religions that predate Christs birth would it really kill you to say 'Happy fucking Holiday's so you include EVERYONES beliefs?
(Religion annoys me)
Next, kids and their expectations.
I completely despise the concept of Santa Claus. I told my two oldest ones when they were young that the fat bastard didn't exist. People have guilted me into raising my youngest two differently. Now I wished I had ignored all of those meddling assholes and stuck with my original game plan. Why? Because if you know your broke ass parents are 'santa', the things you ask for are far more reasonable. So that when you open your gifts you aren't disappointed.
This year my two youngest kids are going to be completely disappointed when they don't get an iPad and an XBox 360. Which saddens me.
While people say that letting kids believe in Santa is an important part of being a kid, I say BULLSHIT!! Unless your parents are rich, believing in Santa means you will suffer year upon year of bitter disappointment. Then when you find out the fat fucker isn't even real, you learn your parents are a couple of liar, liar pants on fire bitches and you will never trust them again! So who benefits from the idea of Santa??? Retailers, that's it.
The only thing that is good about this time of year is that people get into the spirit of giving and the charities benefit greatly, but people should be doing it year round. Not because of the season, but because we are all human beings and should help those less fortunate when we can.
So fuck Christmas and all of it's superficial trappings. As soon as these two grow up I'm done with the holiday. And this year I'm going to drink lots of wine so I can make it thru with my sanity still intact.