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Saturday, December 10, 2011

Late Night at IHOP....

Last night we took one of our spur of the moment trips to Winstar Casino. It was a good time, though I'm pretty sure if I lived closer I would be eating canned catfood for survival because I have a serious slot machine addiction.

Anyhooo, this isn't about the casino or my 'problem'. This is about our trip into the geriatric twilight zone. Who knew the fucking twilight zone was located in Gainsville, Tx??? Specifically at the IHOP.

When we first entered our section you could tell it was going to be an interesting meal. There's an 'older' couple making out in a booth. He must have just renewed his script for Viagra because she was all over him like stink on shit! Seriously, they were too damn old to be acting like that in public. I'm sure there's a niche market for geriatric porn, but I can assure you that I am NOT it.

There appeared to be some rule at this particular IHOP, that if you were a couple you had to sit in the same side of the booth, even if it was just the two of you. I find this nauseating. You can separate yourselves for the 20 mins it takes to eat, you're not fucking Siamese twins and no major surgery would be required.

So we are seated in a booth, but the one side is really like a bench that runs down the entire wall. Our part of this bench had another booth seat, but right next to us was a table. And by right next to us, I mean RIGHT fucking there! We may as well have been eating with the couple seated there we were so close. Which made the fact that they were fighting VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!!!

Apparently his side girlfriend had spoken to this girlfriend and filled her in on all of their time together. So she's sitting here with the barrage of questioning in full force...did you meet her mom at thanksgiving, what park do you take her kids to, how many times have you taken her to chilis and had margaritas, last Thursday when you said you were going to get a cowboy hat you went to meet her didn't you....on and on it went. So he gives her an answer, like he told her he went to chilis with the homewrecker only one time, and she says 'she told me you go all the time' so he says 'ok, maybe twice'. He kept on lying and she kept calling him on it. Then she sat there for a solid 7 minutes giving him the dead eye stare. Finally they left. People, don't fight at fucking IHOP, ok? Eat your god damn cinnastacks and be happy!! If you have to fight, go sit in the car or stay the fuck home.

After they walked out this group of drunk asses comes stumbling in. Once again it was a group of old fuckers. Don't old people go to bed at a decent hour? I mean, once you get into your 60s shouldn't you be over the alcoholic partying stage in life?

The drunkest one in the bunch had to be in her 60s, with her leather jacket and a short stacked haircut that was platinum blonde on top and black on the bottom. Shes sitting there, yelling random inappropriate shit such as 'I HAVE A FUCK BUDDY!!!' oh. my. god. Nobody cares lady!! And she was with this real dick. He was telling a story that went a little something like this...'so I pulled her ass over that table and broke three of her damn ribs and she said 'I thought I could block you' but couldn't do it...'. He was so proud if himself too. Idiot. I swear this group was straight out of Deliverance. I'm almost certain I heard dueling banjos when they walked in.

Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I know you can expect obnoxious drunks at any IHOP at 2 am, but Gainesville definitely has the rowdiest geriatric population around.

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