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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What I Have Learned...

Since the new year is here, I have been taking stock on lessons I have learned over the course of life. I have come to the conclusion that some of the best ones have come from my five year old and would like to share them here.

"Wtf is up with you parents and your damn bluebonnet pics? geez! Yeah, yeah, Im smiling, just take the damn pic already"

Lesson one: the "I farted" game is only funny at home. Its not funny when you are walking through the store with the five year old tugging on your shirt with one hand and making whooshing motions with his other hand all while yelling " I farted mom! Mom,I farted!", as you casually try to shush him. Yet that only encourages him to become even louder, forcing you to try and act like you don't even know who this kid belongs to.

Lesson two: road rage is contagious. One day, when he was two, I was cut off by a lady. My natural response was to honk and call her a stupid bitch. Not one of my shining moments, but who hasn't reacted this way? For a year after that, every time my son heard a horn honk, he would chime in "stupid bitch!" Not really appropriate and it was a hard habit of his to break.

Lesson three: kids playing dress up is cute, but sometimes it may cross the line. His dad had a hard time with this one when he heard that his son had stuffed a towel in his shirt and was walking around saying "Look at me, I'm hot...I have boobies". His dad told me "that's not funny, you need to nip it in the bud". Not funny?? I found it extremely hilarious!! I have my 17 year old son to thank for that influence on him.

Lesson four: I have a potty mouth. I've always had a potty mouth. I try to contain it at times, but the way I look at it, using swear words helps me release bile and makes me a lot nicer of a person. Having said that, I don't think he should be using those words. But one day someone had made a comment that wasn't in any way true, I replied with "that's a damn lie!" then my sweet angel voiced little boy pipes up with "that's the damn truth". I told him that was a bad word, never to use it again, then quickly ran off to have a quiet chuckle.

Lesson five: be extra careful of the things you say in mixed company. This past Christmas, we were having a family gathering at my house. My husband was having a conversation with his little brother who doesn't get up to see us very often. I have no idea what the conversation was about, but the one thing my son picked up on was the term "hairy balls". Imagine the embarrassment of his parents as he is sitting there loudly saying "HAIRY BALLS HAIRY BALLS" then following it up with a maniacal laugh. I just looked at my husbands mother and told her he gets that from her son. What else could I do?

Lesson six: the most important lesson of all. Being a jackass is good for the soul. When we grow up, we are expected to act a certain way. The way others perceives us becomes very critical to our self worth. It shouldn't be that way. You should act the way that fits your personality and being a jackass gives us a little piece of our youth back. My resolution for the new year is to be a jackass as frequently as I can. I may have no choice about getting old, but I don't
have to do it gracefully. I can have fun and not take life so seriously. We only get one chance so we might as well enjoy it.

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