Im Slightly Addicted to Pinterest...

I have to admit that actually I'm a little more than "slightly" addicted. I spend a lot of time on there. Mainly, I like to look at history and humor, but every once in awhile I venture over into the DIY section and shit goes downhill from there. I always like the idea of crafting, but as I have stated in the past, I can't stand suspense. I start every book I read with the very last page, I don't watch movies until I can read a synopsis on Wikipedia and I don't like surprises of any kind. None. Not gifts, nothing. So crafting is really a special kind of torture. I want to make things, but I don't want to go the through the process. I want to magically blink and BOOM, done.

Currently I'm working on a craft idea from Pinterest, there will be a blog posting in a week or so to let you know how that went (spoiler alert...NOT FUCKING GOOD!). Anyway, this is about something that I found in the DIY section that ACTUALLY worked!! Let me start off by saying that I live in a shitty old rent house. In this shitty rent house, someone decided that it would be a great fucking idea to put WHITE CERAMIC TILE through almost the ENTIRE house. With white grout. And no sealer. So, apparently the previous renter decided that he would seal the tile and totally fucked it up. Here's what it looks like..

 

My camera isn't co-operating so the tile appears yellowish, but it's really white. All of that tacky brown shit is dirt. Dirt that sticks to the sealer he put on it. Right before we moved in the landlord tried buffing it up, but was not completely successful. Anyway, the point is the tile in this house is the bane of my existence. So I'm always looking for ways to clean it and for the last 2 years I've really given up hope and have just done standard mopping, which has led to this....

 

That grout is pretty damn disgusting and has been getting on my nerves lately. So I found the toilet cleaner trick on Pinterest and said "fuck it!" why not give it a try? You take toilet bowl gel cleaner, I used the Lysol brand, and you pour it all along the .....wait, actually the FIRST thing you need to do is open every window and door you have because there will be an overpowering bleach aroma in the air and if you want to continue to breathe this is very necessary.

Now, line your grout with it, let it set for 5 minutes, take a cleaning brush (I  just used  one of those ones to scrub dishes with) and scrub it. It takes very little effort to get the dirt out of the grout. Then let it sit for 5 more minutes, this is where it gets tricky, I didn't read the entire thing so I don't know how you are going to get it off of your floor, but I have a Hoover Floor mate so I wiped most of it up with a towel and then sucked the rest up with that. And here is the result....

That is some clean ass tile! It took 3 bottles to do a fairly large sized kitchen. I haven't done the rest of the house yet because I'm out of shape and bending over for 3 hours caused my ass to really hurt like hell the next day. So, as soon as I re-coop, I will tackle the rest.

Life and its Ups and Downs and Internet Dating

It's been awhile since I've taken the time to write anything. Mainly it's because I haven't really had much to say and also I've been busy. I have a ton of shit going on in my life right now so this is going to sort of a rambling mess. Bear with me...

First off, let me just say that I survived the holiday season with absolutely zero drama which is a freaking miracle!!!! I still hate Christmas as much as I ever did and it was even more difficult getting into any kind of holiday spirit thanks to Texas and our warm weather. I never even had to fight traffic (surprising since I live next to the mall) or stand in lines either so I really never felt like Christmas was here. It was just another day that came and went, except after having 70 degree temps forever, we actually got snow on Christmas day which was nice for the kids.

I'm just really ready to get this year over with and hopefully have a better one in 2013. This has been one shitastic clusterfuck for just about everyone I know. People getting divorced left and right, car accidents, trouble with the law, job loss....its just been one damn thing after another. I believe in the law of averages, that everything can't be bad or good all of the time, shit has to balance out at some point so I'm hoping that everyone gets back to the good soon. Fingers crossed!

Speaking of bullshit, my friend is going through a divorce this year and its been a rough time for her and selfishly, I will say for me too. I don't like watching her have to go through it and some days I really want to smack the shit out of her soon to be ex for putting her through it. What is it with men not being able to deal with mid-life? Most women just get older and accept it, but most men have to go off and act like total dickwads. Seriously, being a dickwad isn't going to stop the aging process, you're still going to be old, but you're also going to be friendless in the process because you're being such an asshat that nobody wants to be around you, so it seems like you should suck it up and deal with life. Idiots.

This brings me to something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Dating. I'm about to hit my 40's, my significant other already crossed that threshold, anyway I've been perusing the online dating sites, trying to encourage my friend to just get out there and meet new people. I have to say that at our age the pickins' are SLIM so be forewarned if you are considering doing something drastic. I just want to go through all of their profiles and leave tips instead of "flirts".

For starters, camera angles are important. I don't want to see up your nose. Get a friend and have them take your pic and if it sucks, keep trying. Also, if you cant figure out how to make the image bigger so that the person viewing it can actually see it, find someone that can. No matter what people say, looks ARE important, especially when you dont know someone. I'm sorry, but if you look like a serial killer there's not a chance in hell I'm sending you a message. Oh, and this....

Wtf is this? Am I supposed to pick you out of a line-up? How about you make it easy on me and just post a single pic of you, by yourself? And for the love of all things holy never, ever, ever post pics with your kids. You're a dad? Great! Millions of men are, but I don't need to see pics of your children on a dating site. It creeps me out every damn time so just stop!!

Last but not least, making your user name "d1ck4u" or "69isfine" doesnt make me want to contact you either. It's disgusting. If you are on one of those "no strings hook-up" sites then fine, but on everyday dating sites please try and refrain from being a pervert.

Anyway, if me and my man end up splitting up I'm just going to avoid all of the bullshit and stay single. I've seen what's out there and quite frankly I'm scared to have to jump into it.

The One True Way to Happiness

Usually I spend my time bitching and complaining on here and usually it's because I have a good reason so just deal with it, but not today! Today I'm giving you a special surprise.... I'm going to tell you how to change your life with just two little words.

"What? That's just fucking crazy!", you say, but I assure you it's not. Now I'm talking about your inner self. It won't make you rich, or attractive or hell even likeable, but it will make you feel better.

First off, everybody has different experiences in their life that shapes them into the person they are, but some people don't take those incidents and use them as valuable learning tools. They hold on to them and carry them around waving them at everyone so that the world knows that they were somehow wronged. People need to realize that shit happens and it happens to everyone. You are not special. Husband cheated? So have umpteen other men AND women for that matter, people have a hard time staying faithful for some reason. Grew up with an abusive parent? Join my club. Bullied in school? Millions of kids were because other kids are dicks and don't understand that being a dick isn't cool. The point is, you are not alone.

Millions of dollars a year is spent on self-help books, therapy and medication because people can't let shit go. If you want to save yourself a few pretty pennies then stop falling for all of that shit then and learn one simple phrase...

fuck it.

That's it. It's that simple. Spouse cheats..fuck it. Just leave. Why stay with someone that has so little respect for you they would hurt you that way? Boss is an asshole...fuck it. Chances are he hates his job just as much as you hates yours and while you may not realize it, there's a bigger asshole than him breathing down his neck. The absolute greatest thing about life is, you don't have to let these things break you. You have choices. Change your situation if you're so miserable you hate life or adjust your thinking so that you can just deal with it. You choose the way you feel. Nobody can make you feel anything you are in charge of your emotions. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I get pissed off. Frequently. I just don't let it ruin my whole day.

See, I came from an abusive home. Back then I didn't realize what that meant. I thought it was normal. Once I grew up and realized that not everyone has a family like mine, it changed the way I looked at life. Instead of going on a killing spree to express my anger, I went out of my way to make sure my own kids didn't grow up thinking abuse was normal. I could sit around moaning and groaning about it, but fuck it. What's it going to change if I do? I can't go back in time and apologies can't erase the past. It is what it is. I've accepted it and moved on.

Time to cleanse our palette with this pretty unicorn...

Everything that happens to you is an experience. Look at it for what it is and learn something from it whether it shows you what type of people to keep out of your life or makes you more compassionate or stronger or whatever. Just take something positive away  and then let that shit go. Don't let it turn you into a bitter bitch or a big stupid asshead. 

Also, all of that "power of positive thinking" is a load of shit too. Just sitting around dreaming about a new house an hot wife and blah blah blah isn't going to get those things for you. You have to get of off your ass and go work for them. That's right, I said WORK FOR THEM. Shit doesn't magically appear on your doorstep. Plus there's a more important law than Law of Attraction, it's called the fucking Law of Reality. Deal with it. If for some reason you feel that you just HAVE to give your money to someone to help you get your shit in order, feel free to pay me. I will be more than happy to be your "life coach".

My Life's Passion....

I have lots of hobbies, none that I do full time. Most I just dabble in because I don't really have the time or patience to go for any in-depth learning. Like Photography. I love taking pictures, but I know nothing about aperture or, well, anything else photography related. I'm a point and click type of person. Anything more than that and you've completely lost me. Part of the problem is I just want to do things now. I want to skip all of the important steps and just see the end result. I don't like waiting around.

Having said that, my main hobby is cake decorating which is really weird because I truly despise baking. I usually burn the shit up so it gets frustrating for me. So how I ended up loving decorating cakes I really have no freaking clue. I always made my kids cakes because I'm cheap, but one year I decided to try my hand at something fancy. Fancy is not what I got, the end result was sort of sad. Here it is (this was taken on an old cell phone with maybe 1/2 megapixel capability so just try and look past that).....

Its not a terrible cake, per se, but what you can't tell from this photo is that the back was collapsing. Next up, my sons birthday cake. This one has a lot of issues and if you have eyes then I don't need to point them out to you (again, 1/2 megapixel camera phone)....

taaadaaaa!

This cake, while a huge mess, inspired me to put some effort into my next cake, thats where this one comes into play. It was a birthday cake for my sister-in-law whose birthday falls on Halloween (new camera, yay!)....

Those look like penises, but they are fingers.

Now, that cake was looking a little better and I started gaining some confidence. After this one I moved on to this next one which was a collaboration with my daughter. I made the face, the rest was all her....

So then my other daughters birthday rolled around and she reaaaaalllllyyyy wanted a Jigglypuff cake so this is what she got...

BOOM! This one is greatness!

Here's a picture for comparison...

Next my son's birthday rolls around and he is a huge gamer and wanted something gaming related so I came up with this....

That is all edible except the 6 and the characters. The board is even covered in fondant. I loved this cake.


Now, here are two quick cakes I did that weren't fancy, but still not bad...

This was for my oldest daughter, the stars and faces are white chocolate.

And....

This was for my niece who wanted a peace symbol. I wish I had done some more hand painting on it, but oh well.

Hopefully at this point you can see sort of a progression. I still haven't ever taken any type of decorating classes and maybe one day I will, but these next few cakes are my best. I'm going to list them as my least favorite to my most favorite.

Least favorite, but still greatness...

It's hard to tell from the photo, but the painted coloring was gorgeous.

My first paying gig....

One year later, my first paying gig birthday....

And finally, my BFFs birthday cake...the best cake I have ever made...

Once again, all edible. Even the chess piece.

So there you have it. If I ever win the lottery I will spend my days making cakes, but I will hire someone to do all of the baking.

My Day So Far....

Today has been one of those days. Not a good day, not a bad day just an average day with odd things popping up here and there. Here's an example, sometimes I drink diet Dr. Pepper (truth be told, I usually by Walmart brand diet Dr. Thunder because it tastes better to me). I went to my 12 pack to grab one at lunch time and found these....

...these are 3 nearly empty cans. They haven't been punctured or tampered with in anyway, that's just how they packed up their product. Not the worst thing I have ever encountered, just a bit strange.

Now, I go to my bathroom. Laying on the floor I find this....

...it appears to be a tiny duct tape book of some sort, let's open it and see what's inside shall we?.....

....oh hell, it's a tiny little Bieber. This is going straight into the trash and I will be having a very long discussion with my 11 year old about her horrible taste in music.

What Kind of Reward is This?

Today was report card day at my kids school. It's never really been a big deal, my kids all get good grades. So I ask for their report cards and instead of giving me them, they excitedly hand me these.....

DAFAQ???

Look here, public school district that my children attend, I'm pretty sure that there's been a shit ton of coverage over the fact that kids are obese little butterballs these days (one of them happens to be mine) so why in the hell are we rewarding our kids at school with FAST FOOD COUPONS?????

Seriously, not only are you teaching kids that eating fast food is a great reward for any minor achievement, you are also fattening up the parents, because to get this free kids "reward" you have to buy an adult meal. I'm already fucking fat enough, thank you very much. I don't understand this. This is why Americans are fat as hell and our waistlines are expanding at a rate faster than the universe. Way to go public school system, you've taught my kids one fantastic lesson today!!

Last Nights Debates

I've always tried to follow that rule about not talking politics or religion with other people because I don't like getting into arguments over things you cannot change. So, I did not watch the debates last night. I NEVER watch them because I don't think that watching two people, on stage, in a public forum such as that gives you any clear insight into what kind of leader they will be. Plus, I don't want to see my guy do poorly. I have a thing against watching people I like fail. It's the reason I can't watch sports.

This is my happy place...its where I go, mentally, when people talk about shit I disagree with.

Since I'm bored, with no work to do, I'm going to just lay out my thoughts. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of people that disagree and to them I say "Get over it!" I'm not here to debate, I'm just here to give my opinion. Let me start off by saying that I did not vote for Obama in the last election. I've pretty much always leaned to the Liberal side of politics, but not so far Left that I fall over. I think both parties have good ideas and if there were ever a candidate that thought the same as me, I would freaking vote for him/her. The reason I did not vote for Obama last time around is simple..."hope and change". I was so sick and tired of hearing that shit that I felt anger every fucking time I saw one of those stupid ass signs!! (That's a great fucking rational way to choose a candidate dont you think???) This time, Im trying to be more grown up about my choice.

I think that every politician has good intentions during their first campaign. They are all idealistic and go all gung-ho with the idea that when they get in there they are kicking ass and taking names. Then they get in there, see that change is fucking impossible and their second campaign is more toned down because they know what the fuck goes on inside the White House and realize that all the shit they said last time was bullshit, just a load of nonsense a campaign manager came up with to get their guy in. So the second time around, they try their best to moderate what they say because most of them don't want to lie about shit. Notice I said most, by that I mean most Presidents running for second term. I'm convinced that before they see how the government actually works, all politicians lie out of their ass.

Imagine waking up everyday and having to climb this mountain. I feel this is how the President feels every single day just trying to get something accomplished with the House and the Senate always bickering like a bunch of whiny bitches.

Here's what I would like to see happen in this country, but I know never will..

1. Change our country motto to "Haters gonna Hate".   We are the most hated country in the world because we are out there handling business. I spend way too much time reading comments on boards and if there's one thing I've learned, most every other person in every other country and a good portion of the people in this country blame all of the worlds problems on us. It's very frustrating. What the really shitty part of that is, that if we didn't do it, shit would get out of hand and I get that, but fuck it, I say if they don't want us there then we need to get the fuck out and use those resources to take care of our own people. Let some of these other countries stand up and do something (I'm looking at you Switzerland!!!! You cant always stay neutral!).

2. Keep God in your house and out of the White House. This one is fucking huge for me. Contrary to what the religious right wing would have you believe, this country was absolutely 100% not founded on Christian beliefs. They need to take two goddamn seconds out of their day and Google some shit so that they are informed. This country was based on the ideas of the Enlightenment. For those of you that are too lazy to go Google it, I will give you the definition...a philosophical movement of the eighteenth century which stressed human reasoning over blind faith or obedience while also encouraging 'scientific' thinking. (Definition from About.com) See that people? Science! Not magic and imaginary beings.

Fun fact for all of you naysayers, most of the Founding Fathers were Deists. Here's what that means (according to Wikipedia) For Deists, human beings can only know God via reason and the observation of nature, but not by revelation or supernatural manifestations (such as miracles). If Darwin had come up with his scientific findings at the same time, then chances are good that this country's founders would have been full on Atheists. What??? Shocking!!!! Sure is and we would've been a lot better off had that happened. The religious groups have way too much control over what goes on in this country. At some point people need to do some actual thinking for themselves. i remember growing up and hearing shit like "thunder is God yelling" or "rain is God crying".

It was ok, back in the prehistoric days, for people to come up with this type of nonsense because they had no other explanations. Now we do, now we know that rain comes from condensation not Gods tear ducts. Our knowledge has grown, we have evolved and so should our ideas about religion or we will only be able to advance so far.

I just really like this picture..its very peaceful.

3. This is how our Government should be from here on out....one. Not two separate sides fighting against each other. I'm confident that one is never going to happen, but if it did, there's no telling how far we could go to change the world. 

Ok..thats all I have. Those are the three things that annoy me about Government. They will not change and I get that, but we need to at least strive to come together on some shit before we are toatlly in the tank.